i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
