dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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