Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
