I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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