Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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