I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
where are my eyebrows?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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