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It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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