you guys were way drunker than both of me
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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