weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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