Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
