she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
