I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
