Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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