i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You need a sexual gate keeper
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
