The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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