and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize