she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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