White coat. Heels.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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