you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
my poor anus
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
