i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
