Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
