I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
operation harelip BJ is a go
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
