so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize