Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i think i have two assholes
Girls should come with a carfax report
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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