If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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