i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
