i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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