R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
