I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
