dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
