I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
