were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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