discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
