dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
