i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Duck Duck Cougar?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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