It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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