I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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