Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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