Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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