I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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