I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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