Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
