Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
