wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
