I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
