thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
