I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I need to calm my uterus...
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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