even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
