I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
