When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
