well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Every concussion has its silver lining
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
