My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
