We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize