I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
