if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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