And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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