R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
