I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
