I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He? As in you personified your dick?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
