If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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