i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
