Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
