I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My breasts were aching with rage.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
