i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
4 words: hood of his car
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
