I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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