Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
