Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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