so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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